Lost it all
by AmbrLupin
Summary: When Sanji makes the greatest sacrifice,can Zoro and the others cope?Without his hand,can Sanji even hope to continue his cooking,can he even continue living?The least likely among the crew must help Sanji find himself,and in doing so,save himself as well
1. The same

1Lost it all

Rating: M

Summary: When Sanji makes the greatest sacrifice, can Zoro and the others cope? Without his hand, can Sanji even hope to continue his cooking...can he even continue living...? The least likely among the crew must help Sanji find himself, and in doing so...Save his own soul.

Disclaimer: Nope. No own.

**A/N: This is only a teaser...If you want me to continue this story- you must let me know! Okay?**

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It all happened so fast, Zoro didn't even see it coming. One moment the cleaver was hanging over his shackled wrist, and the next... It was gone, along with the man who had been holding it. Sounds of crashing could be heard and he turned slowly, just in time to see the bloody meat cleaver sail through the air, and then the world was bathed in red.

_What..._

Blood flew in an arc, striking him in the face and sliding down his cheek, so that he was seeing through his right eye into a red-tinted universe. He was dimly aware of small noises coming from a huddled mass on the floor, but he couldn't see who it was.

_Who..._

"Gerrup, you piece of crap! GERRUP!" The man kicked the other, striking him in the stomach so that he threw his head back, gasping in pain. An arm was curled around his middle, clutching at his left hand, or what was left of it. A bloody stump, that was all that was left...

Zoro stared, his eyes widening in horror as he stared upon his savior's face. It wouldn't register, the shock was too much for him to handle...How could this be? Why would he? What in the HECK gave him such a stupid idea!

Sanji was curled over his amputated hand, tears of pain sliding down his face, teeth clamped firmly down onto his lower lip. Zoro knew he was too proud to scream, not over this. Although the utter loss in his eyes was tearing the swordsman's heart in half.

"Sanji..." He whispered, "Why...Why did you...?"

Their tormentor apparently had had enough of the brave act and he struck Sanji so hard he skidded backwards, his left arm flinging out to where another man waited. He gripped the cook's arm and twisted it, before pulling up his foot and slamming it as hard as he could onto the injury.

In all the time they had been crewmates, Zoro had never heard such a sound from the other. It was a wail of pain, horror, loss, guilt, love, and rage...And it gave the other the strength he needed to strain against his bindings, pulling as hard as he could. There was no way he was letting them do this to Sanji. Sure, he was an annoying, self-conscious idiot, but he was...HIS annoying, self-conscious idiot!

But something that happened next froze the other in his tracks. Sanji looked up at him, and smiled... "A swordsman...may...need...only one..." He murmured around the blood in his mouth. "But...the...greatest...swordsman...in the...world...must have both...h-hands..."

Zoro felt tears in his eyes, but he wouldn't let them fall. "Sanji...I..."

"SHUT UP!"

This time, Sanji didn't cry out. He didnt have the time to. One second he was there, and the next there was a limp and bleeding body lying on the floor not five feet to Zoro's right.

Rage like he had never known infected the samurai and he brought both his hands toward him in one swift motion, snapping the shackles like wood. His eyes burned and he snarled, "I'll KILL you."

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_"Dont...understand..."_

_"Zoro, this isnt...any...Luffy..."_

_"Fault...all mine..."_

_"Sanji wouldnt want this...Zoro, please...!" _

It was his name that managed to rouse him from the darkness, a place where there was no pain, no annoying pirate king's wanting breakfast, no bumbling, tri-wielding swordsmen. But these voices...something important was going on..and he wanted to know what.

As soon as he 'fell' back into his body he was overcome with pain, but he pushed it all aside. The voices were clearer now, in fact they were right next to him; and man were they LOUD. Didnt they know he was trying to sleep!

"Zoro...! Zoro, come on...Put the sword _down!" _Who was that...Nami?

He fought to open his eyes, fought against the glue that seemed to want them shut for some reason. That only made him want to open them more. When he could see, he let out a low gasp, not enough to be heard over the clatter of the pirates that crowded his room, but pretty loud to his ears.

Zoro stood not too far from his bedside, his right arm held outward, one of his unsheathed katana's in the left, held just over his wrist. _What was he doing!_

"ARE YOU NUTS!" Luffy cried, trying to get to the other man, "Sanji would KILL you if he knew you were doing this!"

_Or at least seriously maim._

"Its my fault, Luffy!" Zoro's voice was cold, flat, dead. "He lost his hand and its BECAUSE OF ME! Do you want to know what the last thing he said to me was? DO you!He said 'A swordsman may only need one. But the greatest swordsman in the world must have both hands!' That was what he told me! ME! Now HE cant follow his dreams- all because of me! If Sanji cant become a master chef than I cant be the greatest swordsman! End of story!" And he brought the blade up.

No one had any time to move. The metal flashed and that was it. Blood sprayed, and Zoro clenched his eyes shut. He had done it...and now...he wouldn't be ashamed when he saw Sanji...Not anymore...Now that they were the same...

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Use that little button on the bottom left of your screen that says 'Submit review' and tell me if I should continue this or not!


	2. Tears of a friend

Lost it all

Chapter two: Tears of a friend

Rating: M

Summary: When Sanji makes the greatest sacrifice, can Zoro and the others cope? Without his hand, can Sanji even hope to continue his cooking...can he even continue living...? The least likely among the crew must help Sanji find himself, and in doing so...Save his own soul.

Disclaimer: Nope. No own.

**A/N: I guess you guys would like to see the next chapter, seeing how my writing wasn't really up to par on that first one... This one is a WHOLE lot better! -smile-**

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_"Its my fault, Luffy!" Zoro's voice was cold, flat, dead. "He lost his hand and its BECAUSE OF ME! Do you want to know what the last thing he said to me was? DO you! He said 'A swordsman may only need one. But the greatest swordsman in the world must have both hands!' That was what he told me! ME! Now HE cant follow his dreams- all because of me! If Sanji cant become a master chef than I cant be the greatest swordsman! End of story!" And he brought the blade up. _

_No one had any time to move. The metal flashed and that was it. Blood sprayed, and Zoro clenched his eyes shut. He had done it...and now...he wouldn't be ashamed when he saw Sanji...Not anymore...Now that they were the same..._

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There was a series of shocked gasps and Zoro's eyes flew open, locking with a pair of black ones.. He could only stare in stunned silence as Sanji carefully took the hilt from the other's slack hand. It was only then did the swordsman realize what had happened.

"Sanji!" He cried as the cook pulled the blade free of his arm and blood splattered onto the floor. It seemed ominously loud in the absolute quiet of the room. Spinning the blade with his remaining hand he flung it so that it stuck into the wall, thrumming.

"What. Was. That?" He hissed.

"Sanji...I...Forgive me! Please...It was my fault you're hand-"

BAM!

Zoro flew backwards, slamming into the same wall that housed his sword. He slid to the floor, his hand coming up to his jaw. Has Sanji just...

The blonde let his foot down, "If I EVER hear you say that again, Roronoa Zoro, I will do far more than just sending you flying." He swore, eyes flashing onyx fire. "I did not save you so that you could throw it all out the window!"

"But Sanji, what about _you_!"

"Well, if I am really such a great chef, why would I need both hands?" He laughed, reaching behind him to grab his cigarette pack. "So...Where are we anyway?" He lit the nicotine stick and inhaled deeply. "Ah...This is great. Nami!"

"Ah...Yes?" The navigator blinked at being addressed, and hurried to his side.

In one quick motion, Sanji tipped the other over, slamming their lips together. The crew jumped back in shock, and Zoro could only blink as his crewmate let go of the woman, and smirked.

"Yes...Havent lost it yet!"

Nami's eyes glew in rage, her face crimson, "YOU'RE GONNA LOSE SOMETHING!"

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"Uh, Nami?" Luffy poked the girl on the back of the head lightly. "Nami..."

"_What _Luffy!" She growled, having just lost track of the runaway pirate cook.

The captain just stared at her, then gave her a wide grin. "You know what this means, right?"

The navigator could only blink, "What means what?"

"Having Sanji back. It means we get to EAT now!"

Nami snarled, cracking her knuckles. "_Luffy..._"

"Eheheh, I...guess...Ill be going...now..." He ran.

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"Oi- cook, don't get blood on the food, will ya?"

"That wouldn't even be a problem if you hadn't tried to chop your own hand off, now would it, swordsman?" Sanji shot back, trying to tie off the end of the bandage that ran around his lower arm; where the sword had bit deeply into his skin.

"I already said I was sorry. I cant apologize again." Zoro muttered, arms crossed as he leaned against the doorframe, swords at his hip as always. He was there on Luffy's orders, and no other reason. The last thing he wanted to deal with was this man's mouth.

And injured, he was worse.

"Let me get that." Zoro snapped, tired of watching him unsuccessfully lost the end over and over again, even when he was using his teeth. He pushed from the wall, and came to the other's side, "Here-"

"LEAVE ME ALONE, ZORO!" The outburst had the other jumping back, surprise on his face. "I CAN DO IT, SO GO AWAY! ITS NOT LIKE YOU CARE ABOUT ME ANYWAY!"

"FINE!" Now the swordsman would never admit it, but as he stormed out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind him, a small part of him shattered, broke under the raging storm that was his emotions. That man had literally saved his life, his future...and look how he was treating him!

His eyes softened and he spun on his heel, walking quietly back to the door, intent on apologizing on bended knee if he had to. However he stopped a few inches away from the door, his ears not believing what they were hearing. It couldn't possibly be...

Reaching out his fingertips gently pushed the door open the slightest bit so he could peek in. His heart split in two when he saw the proud chef on his knees, his good arm reached up, fingers digging into the counter-top, while the other, wrapping in bandages save for the one cut that ran across his lower arm, which the blood from was slowly staining the sleeve of the shirt he was wearing.

However, that wasn't what scared Zoro the most. No, that wasn't it...As sad a sight that was, it wasn't what caused the horror to enter his eyes. No, it was the tears that streamed down the blonde's face, dripping off his chin in a steady stream, and the soft sobbing that came from his parted lips.

Zoro was frozen; he had no idea what to do in this situation. And so, he did the only thing he knew how to do. Run away.

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Um...anyone else feel like this is slowly turning into a yaoi? Would anyone object if it did? I don't do graphic stuff, so there's no need to worry about that or anything. So...a poll anyone? Who would mind if this becomes a yaoi? If there are no comments, this story will go where it will.

Now, REVIEW with that little button on the bottom left that says 'submit review'


	3. More to everyone

1Lost it all

Chapter three: More to everyone

Rating: M

Summary: When Sanji makes the greatest sacrifice, can Zoro and the others cope? Without his hand, can Sanji even hope to continue his cooking...can he even continue living...? The least likely among the crew must help Sanji find himself, and in doing so...Save his own soul.

Disclaimer: Nope. No own.

**A/N: Hehehe, I got a lot of encouragement from you guys so this is an official update! Lost will be a regular story of mine! Yay! OH! Also- this story WILL be yaoi! -cheers from all my reviewers- I don't think I got one review that didn't vote for yaoi. Hmm...fancy that...**

_**(Oh, um, if this chapter seems...I dunno...odd, its because I am listening to a song called "Unbelievable" By Kaci Brown. Its good, an awfully good match for SxZ. I think)**_

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_Reaching out his fingertips gently pushed the door open the slightest bit so he could peek in. His heart split in two when he saw the proud chef on his knees, his good arm reached up, fingers digging into the counter-top, while the other, wrapping in bandages save for the one cut that ran across his lower arm, which the blood from was slowly staining the sleeve of the shirt he was wearing. _

_However, that wasn't what scared Zoro the most. No, that wasn't it...As sad a sight that was, it wasn't what caused the horror to enter his eyes. No, it was the tears that streamed down the blonde's face, dripping off his chin in a steady stream, and the soft sobbing that came from his parted lips. _

_Zoro was frozen; he had no idea what to do in this situation. And so, he did the only thing he knew how to do. Run away. _

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Zoro didn't know what to expect at dinner time. He wasn't sure he could face the other now, not after seeing what he had seen. It was one thing to see someone crying...It was entirely another to see someone crying, _after you had just yelled at them. _

But, he told himself, its not like Sanji knew he was there. He hadn't made a sound even when he ran off, leaving the door parted only slightly. Sanji wouldn't know, and the swordsman definitely wasn't going to actually tell him. He liked his brains where they were...and _un_scrambled.

In actuality, he wasn't sure if the blonde had even made their dinner. Zoro had especially veered away from the kitchen all day, and hadn't seen the cook ever since their incident earlier. Surely Luffy wasn't planning on having Sanji cook it all by himself? With only one hand?

He snorted, pushing open the doors, _Its probably something simple, like a stew or something... _His thoughts died right there when he saw what was laid out on the table for them to eat. Luffy looked up from where he was stuffing his face already, "Sumtin grong thoro?"

Having already learned to decode what he called 'Luffy talk' the green-haired man shook his head, "No, Im fine, Luffy...Just...surprised. Did Sanji make all of this himself?"

The captain swallowed, "Yup! Nami volunteered to help, but he wouldn't even let her go in the kitchen." He reached for another piece of smoked meat, obviously done with the conversation.The table was laden down with meat of every kind, ham, turkey, chicken, and sausage. There was plenty of seafood strewn around, as well as the mandatory vegetables, along with a large and fresh, judging by the smell, loaf of bread. Zoro stared in shock, his brain having to catch up and process all this information.

"Zoro?" Nami asked, "Are you all right? You look a little lost." She sipped from a cup of cider, her eyes looking at him in concern.

"No..." He took a few steps to sit down, "I just cant believe that dumb cook actually made all this. I figured he would have taken the easy way out and just complained about his hand, leaving us with some leftover stew or something like that. Its something that low-life would do.""Thats not very nice, Zoro." Nami murmured, handing him something to drink, "You know he did help you. At least you can be a little nicer. He is trying his hardest."

"Heh, who cares about being nice. Its not like I asked to be saved. He should have just minded his own business and left it alone. Its not like I would have done the same for him."

"Zoro!"

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Sanji let the door shut softly behind him as he retreated back into the kitchen, his eyes wide and his face pale. In his hand he held a plate that held all of the swordsman's favorite dishes. It was his way of apologizing for what he had done earlier.

But now...

_I couldn't have heard that right...I couldn't. Is-Is that how he feels? Like I was just getting in the way? _He backed up so far that he hit the wall, sliding down it as his knees gave way so that he sat on the floor, his slack hand holding loosely to the plate, his eyes glued to the closed door. _Did I...did I do all that for nothing? Was I...was I wrong in judging him? _

The plate fell, striking the floor and spilling its precious contents all over. But the blonde didn't care. Wouldn't care. He had wasted all day, working as hard as he could to make sure each crumb of the food he prepared was up to his usual standard...and beyond. He would prove to all of them he wasn't broken- that he could still be a useful member of their team.

No one came to investigate the noise, but then again, he hadn't really expected them too. Nobody cared where the cook was, as long as he did what he was supposed to do. He was like the very food he cooked, in a way, taken for granted. He had even cooked their last piece of cuttlefish for Zoro, to make up for his quick temper...It still didn't matter. It never would.

He had sacrificed his future for nothing- and now, he was just a burden to them. What good was a one-handed cook anyway? Even if he could manage to cook for their little crew with just one hand, that was all he could do. If they kept adding on more crew members, he would have no way to keep up with the eating demands. He was just one man, not a god. One thing was for sure, however, he wouldn't allow sympathy and let Luffy hire another cook.

That wasn't ever going to happen.

_"Its not like I would have done the same for him." _ Zoro's voice and words cut a line straight through the other's heart, a physical burning in his chest. His hand came up to cover his eyes, clutch at his hair._ He doesn't care. He never did. Why...why do I even try! It wont change anything- he'll always be the cold and heartless man I always thought he was._

The problem was that he had never thought the other cold, or heartless. If you had asked Sanji what word would best describe Zoro before their capture, he would have said 'annoying.' Ask him after, and after a moments hesitation, you'd get the same answer, but said in a softer and teasing tone of voice. Ask him now...

_"Its not like I would have done the same for him."_

"Darn you, Zoro." He hissed under his breath, holding his severed arm to his chest. "I hate you. I freaking hate you!"

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"That still doesn't justify your treatment of him, Zoro." Nami argued, setting her cup down with more force than was necessary, cider splashing her hand. "Luffy, tell him he's acting like a child!"

Luffy eyed her in silence for a moment before sighing. "Its not my job to get between them. This is something they need to work out on their own." His voice got a little deeper, and that innocent glint in his eyes faded. "However, if you cost me my cook, Zoro, Ill kill you."

The swordsman blinked at him before his lips curled up into a small smirk. "Of course not, captain. Wouldn't dream of it."

"Good." The pirate looked at Nami. "Now...Can I have that plate of meat?"

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_"Here." A cup of steaming tea was set down in front of the shivering man, the steam rising off of it warming his face even as he turned to blink at the one who had given it to him. _

_"What were you doing in my kitchen?" Sanji asked, irritated. Its not like the other's weren't allowed in there, he was just irritated and needed to vent it out on someone. _

_Zoro was a good someone. _

_The swordsman snorted, crossing his arms and leaning back against the rail, whereas the cook's arms were crossed on the hard wood, his form slightly hunched over as he held the steaming mug between his icy hands. "Since when is it your kitchen?" _

_"Since I became the cook, or did you forget, swordsman?" _

_Zoro glared at him, "I do have a name you know, love-cook."_

_"Well, so do I." Sanji shot back, enjoying his little game of sarcastic wit. He was prepared for the next insult to come his way, but he wasn't ready, however, for the soft spoken question he received instead. _

_"What did you just say?"_

_Zoro hmphed, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth, "I said, what's bothering you?" _

_The blonde raised an eyebrow, taking a small sip of the tea. It was good, much to his growing agitation. "Why would anything be bothering me?"_

_"Sanji, you gave Luffy alcohol." _

_Sanji tried for calm and detached, and failed. He knew, perhaps better than anyone, it was not a good thing to give Monkey D. Luffy any strong liquor, but yet he had- and then had to stay up all night and tend to the hyper-active rubber man who kept trying to fly off the side of the ship. "You know my name. Im surprised, Zoro."_

_"Likewise." He muttered, leaning back on his elbows to stare up into the night sky. It was silent for a second, and then, "Hey, Sanji? Ever wonder what's really out there?" _

_He blinked, looking up as well. "What do you mean?" _

_"I mean we use the stars to help us at night...we take them for granted. Like they'll always be there, no matter what." He stopped to run a hand through his short hair. "But, one day they might not be here...and I wonder, if we'll ever miss them when they're gone. We don't even know if there's something up there, something more than what we see with our eyes." _

_Sanji took another sip, his mind mulling over what the other had said, trying to figure out how that fit in with his earlier question, and froze, his mouth opened in an expression of surprise. "I..."_

_Zoro turned so he could look at the other fully. "There is something more in everyone, don't you think, Sanji?" _

_Sanji smiled, a true smile that made his face light up. "Thank you, swordsman." _

_Zoro just shook his head with a grin, "You ever mention this to anyone and I'll wring your neck, cook." _

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**Ha! And yes, the weird markers and italics mean a flashback. Hehehe, as if you couldn't figure that out! Hehehehehehehe... a lot of Sanji angst in that one, plus a little Zoro and Sanji friendship/lover thingies...oi. This was fun. **

**Anywhoo, go and click that little button on the bottom left of your screen that says submit review. K? Kay**!


	4. Consequences

Lost it all

Chapter four: Consequences

Rating: M

Summary: When Sanji makes the greatest sacrifice, can Zoro and the others cope? Without his hand, can Sanji even hope to continue his cooking...can he even continue living...? The least likely among the crew must help Sanji find himself, and in doing so...Save his own soul.

Disclaimer: Nope. No own.

**A/N: Hehehe, I got a lot of encouragement from you guys so this is an official update! Lost will be a regular story of mine! Yay! OH! Also- this story WILL be yaoi! -cheers from all my reviewers-**

_**(Sorry for the long wait, I was stuck on 'For Brooklyn' my Newsies fanfic) **_

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_"That still doesn't justify your treatment of him, Zoro." Nami argued, setting her cup down with more force than was necessary, cider splashing her hand. "Luffy, tell him he's acting like a child!" _

_Luffy eyed her in silence for a moment before sighing. "Its not my job to get between them. This is something they need to work out on their own." His voice got a little deeper, and that innocent glint in his eyes faded. "However, if you cost me my cook, Zoro, Ill kill you." _

_The swordsman blinked at him before his lips curled up into a small smirk. "Of course not, captain. Wouldn't dream of it." _

_"Good." The pirate looked at Nami. "Now...Can I have that plate of meat?" _

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Sanji didn't come out of the kitchen until he was sure there wasn't going to be anyone awake. Wiping at his eyes he finished straightening up the table and put the clean dishes away in the cabinet. It would be a lie to say he was over what he had heard, what he had heard Zoro say.

He would never be over it.

But why did it matter? They were crewmates, yes, he couldn't do much about that since they were in the middle of the freaking ocean, but nakama?

Not anymore.

He cursed at himself as a tear slid down his face. He didnt care! He DIDNT! He wouldn't care if the swordsman picked up one of his swords and stabbed it through his heart. HE DIDNT CARE ANYMORE. Not about Zoro.

_Then why did I save him? _

That was the million dollar question, wasn't it?

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Zoro lay in his bunk, staring up at the ceiling with a pained look on his face. The longer he had to think about what he had said, the more he wanted to kill himself. How could he do that? Sanji had saved his life, and how had he repaid him?

_"Heh, who cares about being nice. Its not like I asked to be saved. He should have just minded his own business and left it alone. Its not like I would have done the same for him."_

He bit his tongue and squeezed his eyes shut. _'Go away, memory! Just GO AWAY!' _His mind screamed, _'Leave me BE!' _

_"Its not like I would have done the same for him."_

But he would have. He would have let them cut off both of his arms if it meant sparing Sanji the pain he was going through. He would have done it in a heartbeat. No questions asked, no second thoughts.

Then why...why couldn't he just say that?

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Morning came too soon for both men.

Sanji groaned as he rolled out of his hammock, feet hitting the cold floor. Biting back a yelp he danced to where his shoes were, slipping them on. Why was it so cold? They must have drifted into colder waters overnight, that was all.

Leaning over he poked at the fire until it blazed up again, sending warmth flooding into the kitchen, heating him up as he flowed around the room, pulling things off of shelves, getting the bowls out of the cabinets.

A nice bowl of hot cereal would do everyone some good.

The cooking almost made him forget about last night. Almost.

Zoro, however, wasn't as lucky. He was training, yes, and that got his mind off of it all a little, but the truth was he found no joy in the weights, no joy as he slid across the deck, his swords a blur.

Frowning, he did the exercises again, trying to smile, trying to become one with his katanas like he always did, searching desperately to find a way to escape it all.

There was no joy to be found in his art. And he knew why.

It was all that darn cook's fault.

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Sanji slipped.

His hand reaching out on instinct, he managed to grab a hold of the counter, halting his frantic movements a little, but he hadn't been watching where he was going and ended up hitting the other patch of oil with his foot.

He went down without even a squeak, knocking things off of the table, landing on his leg the wrong way. There was a crack and he yelled, half-in surprise and half-in anger.

He had hurt himself; could feel that whatever he had done to his leg would take a bit too heal. His crewmates, hearing the crash, all came running, demanding to know what had happened as Chopper took a look at his leg.

He slammed his fist into a cabinet, cursing at the top of his lungs as he pulled his legs to his chest. He couldn't take this anymore. What was the point in him living anyway? No one wanted him, if he had fallen on a knife, who would care?

Not Zoro, that was for sure. He hadn't even come to see what had happened.

Hot tears slid down his face and he burrowed his face in his hands. He hated to cry, especially in front of his nakama, but he couldn't help it. There was so much anger, so much pain that he had bottled up inside of him, so much he was drowning in it.

Luffy looked over at Nami with a serious expression on his face. For once, Luffy looked like the true pirate captain he was, and not like an annoying child. "Nami."

"Yes, captain?" She knew something was wrong, just by the way he had said her name.

"Go get Zoro, tell him to meet me on deck."

Sanji raised his head a little, just enough so he could see Luffy's face. What was he going to do? He tried to get up, but the minute he put any weight on his leg it collapsed and he went down, a startled cry slipping past his lips.

Chopper helped him sit back down, his words barely registering. Sanji was stricken, his hand...and now his leg...

"Sanji, you have to take it easy, all right? You cant go walking around right now. Your leg's broken."

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Zoro walked up the stairs to the main deck, his heart thumping when he saw Luffy standing there alone, back to him, hands braced on the railing. There was a rope tied close to his hand, knotted there.

Tethering something.

"Captain...?" He asked, walking to him even though every part of his body told him to walk away, warned him something wasn't right. "Luff-"

A second later he was on his back, blood flying from his mouth. Eyes wide in shock, his hand moved across his stomach, gasping for air. Luffy had hit him. LUFFY had HIT him.

Luffy threw something at his feet. It was his pack.

His eyes traveled up those shorts, came to rest on his captain's angry face. "Captain, I...I don't understand..."

"Get out of here, Zoro. I don't ever want to see your face again."

_'He...He's throwing me out...?'_

"You're not a member of this crew anymore, Roronoa Zoro. NOW GET OFF MY SHIP!" Each word was yelled, each word cut deeply into the swordsman's heart, tearing it, ripping it.

There was only one thing to do.

His hands shaking he threw his pack over his shoulder and made his way to the rope, looking down to see a small boat floating on the water. He threw his legs over the edge, not wanting to look back, but he had to.

He wasn't there, but then again...why had he expected him to be?

Zoro swallowed the lump in his throat.

_'Good-Bye, Sanji.'_

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A bit shorter, im sorry. I havent been writing my best lately.

But I wanted to get this one out.

Now go and review!


	5. A bit of the past, perhaps?

1Lost it all

Chapter Five: A bit of the past, perhaps?

Rating: M

Summary: When Sanji makes the greatest sacrifice, can Zoro and the others cope? Without his hand, can Sanji even hope to continue his cooking...can he even continue living...? The least likely among the crew must help Sanji find himself, and in doing so...Save his own soul.

Disclaimer: Nope. No own.

**A/N: Hehehe, I got a lot of encouragement from you guys so this is an official update! Lost will be a regular story of mine! Yay! OH! Also- this story WILL be yaoi! -cheers from all my reviewers-**

_**(Sorry for the long wait, I am still stuck on my newsies fanfics, plus school...) **_

**I love all my reviewers! huggles **

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_"You're not a member of this crew anymore, Roronoa Zoro. NOW GET OFF MY SHIP!" Each word was yelled, each word cut deeply into the swordsman's heart, tearing it, ripping it. _

_There was only one thing to do. _

_His hands shaking he threw his pack over his shoulder and made his way to the rope, looking down to see a small boat floating on the water. He threw his legs over the edge, not wanting to look back, but he had to. _

_He wasn't there, but then again...why had he expected him to be? _

_Zoro swallowed the lump in his throat. _

_'Good-Bye, Sanji.'_

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For a while, Sanji couldn't move from where he was huddled on the kitchen floor. Chopper's last words kept echoing in the air, reverberating through his mind. His leg...his only weapon...Never before had he felt so vulnerable, so completely useless.

He couldn't fight, could hardly take care of himself, definitely couldn't cook...But really, all of that felt diminished when faced with the light of what was really bothering him. Not once, during the entire time he had been sitting there, did Zoro come down to see if he was all right.

"Darn you." He hissed, striking out with his hand, hitting the cabinet with enough force to knock a few pots off of the counter. They hit the floor with a loud clangs, and he watched them spin before slowly dying down.

He felt like such a fool, used and abandoned. He almost regretted saving the swordsman. Almost. He wasn't sure why he couldn't just hate him. Surely it would make things easier. But for some reason, he just couldn't do it. Something in the back of his mind kept on telling him that it would all work out in the end.

He considered telling his mind to f-off, but let that thought trail away with the many similar ones he had already thrown away. None of them would help any, probably only make him even more confused.

He was going through all this agony, and Zoro couldn't care less. After all, hadn't he admitted to it? Said it? Up to that moment, Sanji had truly believe in nakama, had honestly _believed _he had found his.

Which was why he wouldn't, under any circumstances, allow himself to escape and leaving Zoro in the hands of their enemies. That seemed so long ago, insignificant. But it wasn't; in fact, it was the beginning of it all...One stormy night in the northern seas.

_"What are you doing out here, foolish swordsman?" _

_Zoro glanced back at the cabin door, not moving from where he was leaning on the rail. The sky was pitch black, rain pounded the deck, piercing his back. It hurt, almost like hundreds of tiny needles hitting him all at once. _

_"What? Am I not allowed to be up here, cook?" He asked in slight annoyance, turning back to the thrashing waters so far below. He didn't want to see the person standing just out of the rain._

_"Its raining." Sanji said slowly, as if talking to a mentally retarded child. "You'll get sick if you stay out here." _

_Zoro shrugged a little, "Im thinking." He hardly expected the other to understand. Why would he? After all, he and the cook never truly understood each other, they just acted like they did. Or at least...thats what he told himself. _

_"That rain helps you think?" The voice was much closer now. _

_Startled, the swordsman's head snapped to the side, where the blonde was standing, hands braced lightly on the rail. "What are you doing? Didn't you just say something about getting sick?" _

_Stifling the urge to sneer, Sanji put his hands in his pockets, folded carefully over his cigarette pack; protecting it from the water. "You didnt answer my question."_

_"Neither did you." _

_"No, I didnt." He agreed, "So, what are you going to do about-" The rest of his sentance was cut off as a large wave slammed into the side of the ship, rocking it back and forth. _

_Cursing, Zoro staggered backwards, catching himself on a barrel. The storm was getting worse. Lighting streaked across the sky, illuminating his face, "Go get the others, Sanji! We have to get outta here!" _

_Even now, he could see the monster waves that were beginning to form. If they weren't careful, they would capsize and sink. But the cook wasn't moving. "Sanji!" He roared, snapping the other out of his reverie long enough to slide across the deck, disappearing into the cabin. _

_Zoro leaned over the rail, more than he should have, but hey, he had to do it. The sea was churning, the wind howling. They were going to be in extreme danger in a matter of moments if they didn't do something. _

_"Come on cook." He murmurred as he ran across the deck, lunging for some of the ropes that looked about to snap. "Hurry it up!" _

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_"Nami!" Sanji burst into the navigator's room, nearly falling over a chair as the ship rocked sideways. "Get up! We have a problem!"_

_"What?" She groggily lifted her head enough to see who it was before she let out a shrill shriek and pitched her pillow at his head. "Get out!" She cried, pulling the sheet up to her chin. _

_Having ducked the pillow, Sanji snapped, "There's no time for that! The storm's gotten worse!" _

_Instantly, her stance changed. Her eyes narrowed and she swung a leg over the edge, "What! It shouldn't-"_

_"IT DID!"_

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"Sanji?" The voice jerked him from his memories and he swung his head toward the door, hoping it was Zoro. But it was only Nami. Sighing lightly, he forced a grim smile.

"Yes, Nami?"

"Are you...doing okay?" She came in and knelt down next to him, clearly a little nervous by just being there. "I mean...do you need anything?"

"Yeah." He said dryly, "I need that dumb idiot to get down here so I can fry him."

Her brow furrowed, "Idiot? Who...oh." Realization dawned and she suddenly seemed very interested with her hands. Sanji didn't miss that, and it worried him. What had happened to Zoro?

"What? What is it?" He sat up a little, wincing when he pulled his leg. "What happened?"

"Sanji..." She bit her lip, "Zoro...he isn't here anymore."

Something akin to ice slid down his spine, making him shiver, but for what emotion, he knew not. Fear, perhaps. He was worried, and afraid. If something happened to Zoro, he didn't know what he was going to do. "What do you mean?"

"He...Luffy..."

_A fight?_ "What? They fought? Are they hurt?"

"No..."

"Speak clearer, woman!" He half-shouted, startling her so much her head flew up, eyes slightly wide. Sanji had never, _ever_, talked like that before.

"He's gone, Sanji. You don't have to worry about him anymore...cause Luffy kicked him out."

For a moment it was completely and utterly silent, and then, out of the blue...

"**_HE DID WHAT!_**"

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oh yes, wonderful chapter. I swear, pure brilliance. -smile- ahem, yes.

Now, drop me a review...ya know you want to...


	6. The storm

Lost it all

Chapter Six: The storm

Rating: M

Summary: When Sanji makes the greatest sacrifice, can Zoro and the others cope? Without his hand, can Sanji even hope to continue his cooking...can he even continue living...? The least likely among the crew must help Sanji find himself, and in doing so...Save his own soul.

Disclaimer: Nope. No own.

**A/N: Hehehe, I got a lot of encouragement from you guys so this is an official update! Lost will be a regular story of mine! Yay! OH! Also- this story WILL be yaoi! -cheers from all my reviewers-**

**I love all my reviewers! huggles **

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_"What? What is it?" He sat up a little, wincing when he pulled his leg. "What happened?" _

_"Sanji..." She bit her lip, "Zoro...he isn't here anymore." _

_Something akin to ice slid down his spine, making him shiver, but for what emotion, he knew not. Fear, perhaps. He was worried, and afraid. If something happened to Zoro, he didn't know what he was going to do. "What do you mean?" _

_"He...Luffy..." _

_A fight? "What? They fought? Are they hurt?" _

_"No..."_

_"Speak clearer, woman!" He half-shouted, startling her so much her head flew up, eyes slightly wide. Sanji had never, ever, talked like that before. _

_"He's gone, Sanji. You don't have to worry about him anymore...cause Luffy kicked him out." _

_For a moment it was completely and utterly silent, and then, out of the blue..._

_"**HE DID WHAT?!**"_

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Shocked at his outburst, Nami jerked backwards, eyes wide in her pale face. "I don't understand...Sanji, don't you _want_ him gone? I mean, after everything he put you through?"

The blonde blinked at her, forced to think on that for a bit longer than he deemed necessary. After all, why didn't he want Zoro gone? It was true that everything that had happened to him, happened because of the swordsman...But did he want him _gone_?

"No...No, I don't." The answer surprised himself as well.

"But why? Sanji, look at you!" She exclaimed, gaze traveling up and down his mangled body. "I don't understand why you would defend him like this!"

"Im not defending him!" Sanji snapped, eyes narrowed. "Im telling you that I didn't want him gone, that I didn't want Luffy kicking him off the ship in the absolute middle of nowhere!"

He used the counter to pull himself up, and smacked the other's hands away when she tried to help. Standing somewhat unsteadily on one leg, Sanji glared down at her. "I wanted to take care of the problem with Zoro myself, and if you people can't get that through your thick heads, then you can just leave. me. ALONE!!"

Nami didn't even have a second to plead her case before Sanji slammed the door in her face and locked it. Her brow furrowing, she couldn't help but feel like she had missed something. Something terribly important.

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"God dang it!" Zoro cursed as the little boat he had been given rocked unsteadily in the water. Hoping against everything that it didn't sink, he cast a look back to where he had thought the ship would be.

He was somewhat surprised to see it gone. He couldn't have traveled that far, could he? Sighing, he halfway collapsed on his butt and gazed up at the sky. Hard to believe all this had happened just because of some tactless thing he had said.

Okay, maybe not just 'tactless'. He was cruel, he understood that, and Sanji defiantly didn't deserve it, but...God, why was this so hard for him to work out?! Kicking at his pack, the swordsman drew one of his katanas and stared down at the gleaming blade.

For some reason, he was less than surprised to see which sword he held.

"What would you think of me now, I wonder?" He asked softly, rubbing the white wrappings with his thumb. "I really messed up this time, didn't I, Kuina?"

Many times over the course of his life, he had talked to Kuina as if she were still there, just out of reach and of sight, and many times he could have sworn she had been listening...But this time, there was nothing, nothing but the soft rock of the boat and the utter feeling of loneliness and guilt.

He had _really_ messed up this time.

"Im sorry, Sanji." He bit his lip and bowed his head in his hands, "Im so sorry I ever got you involved in all this."

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_Zoro bit his lip as the rope dug into his hands, the wind jerking hard enough to nearly take his arm off. Bracing his feet in, he hoped the dumb cook had done what he said, or else there wasn't going to be a ship in a few minutes. _

_A particularly rough gust of wind nearly forced a cry from his throat as he felt the skin on his palms and fingers giving, tearing away as he put all his weight on the rope, praying it didn't snap, or pulled him hard enough that he went with it. _

_That cook had ten seconds to-_

_Suddenly the pull on his arms was suddenly less, and Zoro's head snapped upward. "Sanji." He breathed, relieved almost beyond words, not that he would ever admit that. Indeed, after a second of relief, his gaze hardened. _

_"Where were you?!" _

_"Don't let go of the rope, you stupid swordsman!" Sanji barked, leaning his body sideways, hooking the rope under his arm to alleviate some of the stress. "It's not my fault Nami didn't believe me!" _

_Zoro didn't even have time to reply, because the sea was getting worse. The ship rocked, and it was all the two could do but hold on. They could hear yelling, and realized the rest of the crew were on deck, rushing around even though it was too hard to see them through the rain. _

_Sanji bit his lip hard enough to taste blood and he repositioned his footing slightly, only to slip. Landing hard on one knee, he suppressed a cry as he felt his hands tear. Blood started to dribble down the rope, stinging, and making his grip harder to maintain. _

_"Idiot!" _

_Pulling himself back to his feet, Sanji didn't bother to retort as he put every ounce of his weight on the rope, eyes narrowed and determined. He didn't say anything the rest of the time they were fighting the storm, not even when Nami screamed at him for not waking her up sooner. _

_He never opened his mouth. _

_Zoro, his hands bandaged up, walked across the deck. Or rather, stalked. It was nice out, now that the storm was over, and the seas were mostly calm. Things should have been fine on the ship, since it had sustained minimal damage. _

_But they weren't. _

_"What are ya doin over here?" The swordsman asked, leaning his hip against the railing. Sanji stood in the shaded alcove, elbows braced on the side rail, wind ruffling his hair with the ever present cigarette hanging from his lips. _

_Not really expecting an answer, Zoro leaned his back against the rail and crossed his arms. "Nami told me to tell her she's sorry you were such a blundering idiot, and that eventually they need you to get in the kitchen and do what you do because they're gettin hungry." _

_Still no answer, but Sanji did shift a bit, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth so he could blow some smoke into the air. Zoro sighed and turned to face him, some smart remark on the tip of his tongue. But he didn't make it. _

_Instead he stared at the cook's torn, red, and raw hands with disbelief in his eyes. Biting off a curse, he reached out and snagged both of Sanji's hands in one of his own, pulling him away from the rail. _

_"Let go of me." The first words Sanji had uttered since the storm, and they were full of hatred and rage. His eyes were reflecting the same as he lashed out, aiming for the other's head._

_Zoro had been prepared for the reaction, and blocked, kicking one of Sanji's legs out from under him, riding his body down to the deck. Pinning him deftly, he brought his face inches from the others, snarling._

_"We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way. Choose." _

_Sanji growled, but couldn't do much in this situation. Not pinned the way he was. Sighing in defeat, he relaxed under Zoro, gaze fixed off somewhere to the right. He didn't even want to see that stupid swordsman's face right then. _

_Snorting in amusement, Zoro sat back so he was straddling him, taking the cook's hands - a bit gentler now - and turning them over in his hands. "When did you plan on doing something with these, Sanji?" _

_"Don't chastise me, Zoro. I'm not a child." The blonde snapped, eyes snapping back up to look at him despite not really wanting to. _

_"Then stop acting like one. Idiot. Want to lose these?" Pulling some antiseptic and bandages from his pocket he placed them on Sanji's chest and uncapped the antiseptic with his teeth. "For wanting to be a cook, you didn't take very good care of them." _

_Frustrated, Sanji looked away again. He wasn't altogether sure why he hadn't wrapped them yet. He could come up with excuses, if he had to, but there wasn't really one that well... made any sense. In this, Zoro was right. _

_He did notice, however, that as the antiseptic burnt and stung his skin, and even as the bandage irritated the raw skin, the swordsman was gentle. More gentle then Sanji would ever have given him credit for. _

_"There. Try not to get them wet." Zoro mumbled, moving off of the cook and grabbing the antiseptic bottle and what was left of the bandages. He was walking away, when he could have sworn he heard it. _

_But when he turned back around, Sanji was back up and smoking a cigarette, and when his gaze landed on him, the blonde sneered, "What are you lookin at?" _

_Still, Zoro could have sworn, for one second, he heard Sanji's voice. _

_"Thanks, Zoro." _

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There ya go. Sorry for the late update you guys. I'm gonna work on that, I swear.

And it was even later because was down... do not ask me why. Sowwy.

Now...review? Yes? I love you? -grin-


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